CHRISTMAS RERUNS: STAR WARS Christmas (revised edition; NOT the Holiday Special!)

Just like Turner Classic Movies and Ben-Hur on Easter, we are not above re-running Star Wars Christmas in all of its segments (and don't worry, we have consigned the dreadful Star Wars Holiday Special to "legends").

I am bringing back the Star Wars Christmas story from before, slightly enhanced and expanded and all in one place. Hope you enjoy it.

DISCLAIMER: Although the photos below don't feature anything explicit, they might contain some reference to adult themes.

But first a word from our sponsors...







































































Merry Christmas and Happy New Year (or Happy Holidays of your choice) to all!

#starwars #photostory #fiction #humor #christmas

Not bad at all...I enjoyed it!

Mr. Razz wrote:Not bad at all...I enjoyed it!

Thanks, Razz, glad you liked it.

"I felt your presents..."

Hahaha!  

So much goodness, Guv...  

And more corn than all of Indiana...  LOL.

Nice! I was worried there for a minute there’d be a #metoo moment. Thankfully Jyn spoke up.

PureEnergy wrote: "I felt your presents..." Hahaha! So much goodness, Guv... And more corn than all of Indiana...  LOL.

Glad you liked it! And yes, it is as corny as possible by design.

Stryker2011 wrote:Nice! I was worried there for a minute there’d be a #metoo moment. Thankfully Jyn spoke up.

Thanks! The news do make us more aware of what's going on there in the real (or surreal) world, and in art... so while I could claim that this was by design, it was actually an afterthought, lest someone over-interprets the piece and starts some sort of outrage campaign.

Great story!

Say, Luke never does get a girl of his own, does he?  He’s rather asexual.  And with nothing but reverence to canon, was the identity of Luke’s mother ever disclosed?   I don’t recall.  And where’s the Empress?

None of the Jedi seem to have love interests, do they?  Yoda might have had many in his long-toothed life - although, if so, I’m not sure that I’d ever want to see any of them.  Kenobi - also a bachelor, I believe.  Are they wedded to the Force, not unlike cloistered clergy, perhaps?  

Incidentally, royalty has always had such tendencies, so your references are not far-fetched.  The humor, however, is brilliantly absurd.

BAD WOLF-787 wrote:Great story!

Thank you, glad you liked it!

PureEnergy wrote:Say, Luke never does get a girl of his own, does he?  He’s rather asexual.  And with nothing but reverence to canon, was the identity of Luke’s mother ever disclosed?   I don’t recall.  And where’s the Empress?

None of the Jedi seem to have love interests, do they?  Yoda might have had many in his long-toothed life - although, if so, I’m not sure that I’d ever want to see any of them.  Kenobi - also a bachelor, I believe.  Are they wedded to the Force, not unlike cloistered clergy, perhaps?  

Incidentally, royalty has always had such tendencies, so your references are not far-fetched.  The humor, however, is brilliantly absurd.

Thank you for the "brilliantly absurd." I was going for that.

Luke does get a girl of his own in the Extended Universe (which I don't really follow -- or haven't -- and which has been summarily dismissed as "Legends" by Disney, to be replaced with the $#@% they have been serving up as the Sequel Trilogy so far). Mara Jade or some name like that. Also, before realizing Leia was his sister, and before she clearly chose Han, Luke was interested in her from the start, as evidenced in several scenes in ANH and ESB. As for the empress, I don't know we are ever told there is one; perhaps Palpatine was a widower before he came to political prominence. His begetting of Anakin was not exactly physical, either.

Indeed, Jedi are (according to the Prequel Trilogy at any rate, which I am also not really fond of) supposed to abandon material and emotional attachments, i.e., they have to become warrior monks, of sorts. Consider the very name Kenobi (from cenobite). So don't expect to find any Jedi openly acknowledging their "inappropriate" interests. This silly attitude is one of the things that supposedly drew Anakin to abandon the "light side" of the Force.

Now that I've come across as even more of a fanboy than I am...

That was fun!
Happy Holidays everyone!

I feel your presents... xD I like it, Merry Cringemess!

And that tall black officer with his gloves looks cool. In an evil, fascist way of course.

GubernatorFan wrote:Thank you for the "brilliantly absurd." I was going for that.

Luke does get a girl of his own in the Extended Universe (which I don't really follow -- or haven't -- and which has been summarily dismissed as "Legends" by Disney, to be replaced with the $#@% they have been serving up as the Sequel Trilogy so far). Mara Jade or some name like that. Also, before realizing Leia was his sister, and before she clearly chose Han, Luke was interested in her from the start, as evidenced in several scenes in ANH and ESB. As for the empress, I don't know we are ever told there is one; perhaps Palpatine was a widower before he came to political prominence. His begetting of Anakin was not exactly physical, either.

Indeed, Jedi are (according to the Prequel Trilogy at any rate, which I am also not really fond of) supposed to abandon material and emotional attachments, i.e., they have to become warrior monks, of sorts. Consider the very name Kenobi (from cenobite). So don't expect to find any Jedi openly acknowledging their "inappropriate" interests. This silly attitude is one of the things that supposedly drew Anakin to abandon the "light side" of the Force.

Now that I've come across as even more of a fanboy than I am...

“Warrior Monks” is rather how I’d always imagined the Jedi, but celibacy?  That’s a deal-breaker - indubitably, Anakin’s core issue - and I can’t say that I blame him.  

However, as you had mentioned, beyond having impure thoughts about his sister, Luke seems laser-focused (at least in the films).   While I’ve a sincerely solid appreciation for self-discipline; if my first and only “romantic” kiss in life had been with my sister, I think I might have just embraced the depths of Dagobah…  

And yet, despite the “Dark Side’s” relative hedonism, we never do see Darth’s wicked naughty harem.  So what gives? All that evil, and not so much as a single dom-droid?


PS: You’ve not exactly outed yourself, Guv; your avatar’s a stormtrooper; which is to say that your fandom has never been quite clandestine in the first place.  LOL... Not to mention this thread - which, again, is awesome…  

kyekye wrote:That was fun! Happy Holidays everyone!

Thank you and glad you found it funny.

Ovy wrote:I feel your presents... xD I like it, Merry Cringemess! And that tall black officer with his gloves looks cool. In an evil, fascist way of course.

Thanks. Well, if you strip away the rebel propaganda, the guy was probably just efficiently doing his job.

PureEnergy wrote:And yet, despite the “Dark Side’s” relative hedonism, we never do see Darth’s wicked naughty harem.  So what gives? All that evil, and not so much as a single dom-droid?

PS: You’ve not exactly outed yourself, Guv; your avatar’s a stormtrooper; which is to say that your fandom has never been quite clandestine in the first place.  LOL... Not to mention this thread - which, again, is awesome…  

Well... to quote from the movie [Vader] is more machine now than man... You would be blown away by how much more than me a true fanboy would know. I am probably too critical and exclusive when it comes to the franchise (including the Original Trilogy, which I sorta love) to pass for that even if I tried. And I have seen the movie fanboys!

GubernatorFan wrote:Well... to quote from the movie [Vader] is more machine now than man... You would be blown away by how much more than me a true fanboy would know. I am probably too critical and exclusive when it comes to the franchise (including the Original Trilogy, which I sorta love) to pass for that even if I tried. And I have seen the movie fanboys!

 

It sounds to me that there exists a significant difference of degree on the spectrum between fandom and fanaticism…

I agree about the first three films.  They almost lost me with those Ewoks, though.  

Also, I never quite completely understood the technology that allowed for such features as a counselor droid’s fluency in six-million languages, interstellar travel by warp drive, and a synthetic hand for Luke; meanwhile, Lord Vader has to wear a clunky, cyberpunk respirator.  Given his position in the galaxy, one might think that he would have the best gear; the best bot-doctors and the best doctor bots.  

“More machine than man,”  indeed - but at one time, he was heavy on Luke’s mom…  Do we even know who Luke’s mother is?  Was that Uncle Owen’s side?  And by the end of RotJ, Darth’s paternal instinct comes in like a rogue wave as he tosses the Emperor over the space balcony.  I have not seen that in a decade or more, however - in Darth Vader, there was always a flicker of humanity - enough to save his soul, as it were, right?  But, yet, not enough for him to ever want a woman?  He turns away, and suddenly he’s liberated…  He would’ve been like an Amish kid on an endless rumspringa!  

Incidentally, I know you’re not a "fanboy" because a fanboy would never even entertain such questions.  He would just tell me that I don’t get Star Wars and should probably just shut up...  

And, I don't know, perhaps that’s true…  

PureEnergy wrote:I agree about the first three films.  They almost lost me with those Ewoks, though.  

Do we even know who Luke’s mother is?  Was that Uncle Owen’s side

I am no fan of Ewoks either, unless they are stuffed teddy bears for Stormtroopers who have been good boys or girls throughout the preceding year.

Luke's mother is Leia's mother (Original Trilogy), later identified as Queen Amidala (Prequel Trilogy) but introducing certain inconsistencies. If I recall correctly, Owen married Anakin's sister (Beru?) and took on the care of Luke, introducing certain unlikelihoods.

All the power in the galaxy means nothing if you can't get your cookies. Life looks hard on Vader as a single dad, so I'm glad things worked out for him in the end.

And really, all it takes is 1 time that your crush turns out to be your long lost sister to make you a bit cautious. I get it Luke. You can never be too careful.

Such a blast as always GubernatorFan. It "forced" me to get in to the holiday spirit.

ReverendSpooky wrote:All the power in the galaxy means nothing if you can't get your cookies. 

Well, that is precisely what I have been trying to say here…

ReverendSpooky wrote:Such a blast as always GubernatorFan.  It "forced" me to get in to the holiday spirit.  

Thank you, good Reverend. I'm glad you liked it. And I agree with your analysis.

Guv, indeed, Ewoks were the last straw for me, I’d have to say…

“Inconsistencies… unlikelihood…”


I rather think that the first of those appeared within the first sentence scrolling up the screen in the original picture; entertainment value notwithstanding, the film and following franchise never became other than increasingly far-fetched, and the answers you’d provided to my previous questions only seem to underscore that point.  No offense intended.  

Popularity and quality are not necessarily synonymous - and perhaps, most seldom so in film than anywhere.  Again, no offense intended.  

ReverendSpooky wrote:All the power in the galaxy means nothing if you can't get your cookies.  Life looks hard on Vader as a single dad, so I'm glad things worked out for him in the end.

And really, all it takes is 1 time that your crush turns out to be your long lost sister to make you a bit cautious.  I get it Luke.  You can never be too careful. 

Spooks, you had offered sympathy for the plight of Lord Vader here; along with the explanation that Luke had gone Morrisey with PTSD after learning that Leia was his sister; that’s what I had meant when I said that he might have just let go, leaned back and allowed the dank stink of Dagobah to take him and be gone.  

But he didn’t.  Courageously, Luke pressed on - and he had to look Leia in the face after that, all the while struggling with a complex brought on by his emotional and physical attraction - in befuddling contrast, presumably - with his intellectual recognition for certain social taboos (although they were royalty, which is a relevant distinction here with regard for what is acceptable - even in galaxies “far, far away,” I might imagine).  

Factor in Luke’s daddy issues: “My father is the devil; obliterating entire planets of innocents for spite; choking people all the time; enslaving the galaxy…  He’s totally tyrannical; abusive - even lopped off my hand one time for smarting off…  Nothing I do is ever bad enough for him...  Of course I’m going to rebel…  Of course I’m going to want to blow up his stupid death star…

"But all I can do is hang here upside-down in a wampa igloo and wait for ‘Handsome Han’ and his toasty-bellied tauntaun...  

“How do I not suck!?”  


Verily, in the greater context, Vader’s life seems like a cakewalk compared to Luke.  Either way, the lot of them comprise the epitome of dysfunctional.

No offense intended, of course…  

Nicely done!

Not quite sure how they resurrected Jyn from the remains of the beach on Scarif. Still, I'm sure Disney will find a way...

CHEERS!

Rogerbee wrote:
Still, I'm sure Disney will find a way...

CHEERS!

They'll probably go back and do HER "prequel" (if they think they can squeeze a few bucks out of it).

Don't rule it out, LOL!

CHEERS!

Stryker2011 wrote:

Rogerbee wrote:
Still, I'm sure Disney will find a way...

CHEERS!

They'll probably go back and do HER "prequel" (if they think they can squeeze a few bucks out of it).

Please don't say that...

Rogerbee wrote:Nicely done! Not quite sure how they resurrected Jyn from the remains of the beach on Scarif. Still, I'm sure Disney will find a way...

Technically all those films are rebel propaganda. So I feel free to take liberties and tell the "true story."

Stryker2011 wrote:They'll probably go back and do HER "prequel" (if they think they can squeeze a few bucks out of it).

I agree... perish the thought. But totally believable.

LOL!

CHEERS!